GENUINE MENU ITEMS
OBSERVED AND RECORDED IN VIETNAM BY BRUCE CARLETON
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FROM Quan Tre
- FISH ON HOT FIRE1
- CHICKEN GREASE -- POURED2
- BEEFSTEAK ON IRON FRIED
- SLIM SHRIMP DEEPED IN VINEGAN SAUCE
- CRABB STEAMED INTO BEER3
- EEL IN "BOILED ISLAND"
- EEL W/MINED FOODS4
- DEER ROLLING-FRIED
- FRIED WIDE PIG5
- ROLLING-FRIED WILD PIG
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NOTES
- That's the best kind of fire for cooking.
- That's how I like my chicken grease -- pour me another!
- You can make beer out of just about anything.
- They've got to something with all these mines they keep digging up.
- In Melanesia, "long pig" referred to human meat. I have no reason to suspect that there is any connection here.
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FROM THE REVISED MENU AT The Mabuk Restaurant1
- BOILED WILD BOAR DOTING WITH GINGER SAUCE2
- MIXED UP RABBIT3
- MIXED UP EELS4
- MIXED UP SOUP COOKED WITH EELS
- TURGID FRIED NOODLES5
- DUCK'S EGG TOOK OUT IT'S BONE TO FRY WITH DA LAT'S PIMENTO6
- STEWED CARP (IN HOT STEAM)7
and from the wine list...
- LUSTY, TONIC MEDICIEN WINE8
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NOTES
- We could never remember the name of this place, but somebody there was always drunk, so, being recently out of Indonesia, we called it "The Mabuk."
- Probably an old grandpa boar, caught while playing with his grandchildren.
- Obviously a misprint. It should be "Cwazy Mixed Up Wabbit."
- Are there any other kind?
- Those noodles give me a tingly feeling just thinking about them.
- How do they get the duck's egg to take out its own bone?
- See #1 under Quan Tre above.
- Best served with Turgid Noodles.
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FROM Can Thai
- THRIMP AND RICE RIBS1
- LIVER, PORK, FIED PEASE
- HASHED COOKING STOVE2
- RICE FLOOR BEEF BALL SOUP3
- CHICKEN FRED GINGER4
- CHICKEN FRED SAITED5
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NOTES
- I didn't even know rice had ribs.
- For a while here times were tough, and people had to learn to eat some strange things.
- MMM! Save an extra bowl for me!
- It practically dances across your palette.
- After Fred has had Ginger, how could he be satisfied with anyone else?
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FROM Cay Xoai
- TEN ANGELS IN ISLAND SOUP
- STEAM PORK UTERUS1
- STEAM BACON DRAFT EEL IN BUTTER2
- STEAM PENIS COW IN CHINESE HERB3
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NOTES
- This is actually a fairly common dish, not a misinterpretation. It was listed as "Ovule Duct" on the menu at the "Bosom Friends" restaurant (see the relevant page for more on this place).
- Just blow a little of that bacon smoke over it!
- The term "penis cow" would normally be translated as "bull," I think.
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FROM A Bia Hoi Joint on Le Loi Street
- JUNGLE ANIMALE MEATS1
- FROGS FRY BUTTER. "FROGS FRIED BUTTER" 2
- ILGE FRY WITH ONION
- "CHEP" FISHS FRAID3
- FIELD SHRIMPS "GRILLED"4
- BEEF FRY WITHOUT WATER5
- WATER SUGAR IN THE BOTTLE
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NOTES
- Guaranteed to get your testosterone flowing.
- I guess someone corrected their verb tense.
- If I were those chep fishs, I'd be fraid too.
- I hope "field shrimps" aren't anything like prairie oysters.
- Then they'd better at least use hot fire.
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FROM Hue-Nha Trang
- SALAD OF SHRIMP'S UNDERDONE SLICED SKIN AND GRILLED RICE FLOUR AND AROMATIC HERBS1
- CANE BIRD ROASTED WITH TAMARIND BOOZING INTERMITTENTLY AND LIGHTLY2
- COCKLE-SHELL SET FIRE IN STOVE3
- ROCKET SHRIMP
- BEEF CRAWLS AROUND FIRE4
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NOTES
- That's kind of a catchy name, isn't it.
- It's never any good when they booze too heavily.
- I told cockle-shell not to play with matches.
- You would too!
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FROM Dong Tam
- BEEF CRUSHED WITH FINGERS
- FALSE DOG MEAT
- HALF DONE SNAKE
- SPECIALTY: COPPERHEAD -- PERFORMANCE OF STICKING COPPERHEAD FOR DRINKING IT'S BLOOD CARD AND BILE ON THE SPOT (AT THE DINNER TABLE)1
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NOTES
- No, I'm not making any of these up.
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FROM Com Ga Thuong Hai
- DORKED STIR-FRY
- INTERNAL ORGANS OF A CHICKEN (BOILED)1
- COLJA STIREY WITH OIL CLAM2
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NOTES
- Just as long as they're all internal.
- I honestly have no idea what this is, except that it might have something to do with some industrial accidents in the Vung Tau area.
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FROM Trung Duong
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NOTES
- Once you've spined 'em, they taste just like chicken.
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